


Background Noise

by frith_in_thorns



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, adjustment, overload
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-16
Updated: 2016-01-16
Packaged: 2018-05-13 13:01:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5709136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frith_in_thorns/pseuds/frith_in_thorns
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Going from living on her own to living in the middle of a crowd isn't easy, and Rey's struggling. Fortunately, she has friends who can understand.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Background Noise

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Glinda](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Glinda/gifts).



> I've seen lots of stories/prompts about Rey being touch-starved after all her time alone, but I thought the opposite would be just as plausible.

It felt ungrateful to miss Jakku. Not just her scant possessions — although if she'd known that morning that she was never going to return to her home she would have taken them all with her, the doll an older scavenger had made her, favourite pieces of salvage that had been first toys and then still-treasured ornaments, her best chisel — but the planet itself. It had been lonely and uncaring and always a reminder of broken promises, but it had also been her home.

D'Qar wasn't, yet. Even though it had the potential. Even though it had people who _cared_ about her, amazing though that was.

So _many_ people, everywhere she went. She trained with Luke and sat in on strategy meetings at General Leia's invitation. Poe seemed to have made it his personal mission to get her and Finn accustomed to every inch of the extensive base (although they did tend to get sidetracked to the hanger bays). Even when he was busy, the rest of his squadron were eager to take her under their collective wing whenever she set foot in the mess or in one of the recreational areas.

But it surprised her as much as anyone else when, in the middle of an anecdote that had Black Squadron roaring with laugher around her, Finn clapped a casual hand onto her shoulder and she shook him away with such force that she found herself on her feet with her chair clattering to the floor behind her. "Can't you all just — _stop it_!" she shouted.

A shocked silence puddled around her. "Rey?" Jessika asked, "Are you okay?"

She was suffocating under the pressure of so many eyes on her. "I'm _fine_!" she snarled. And broke, running and running. She sprinted past blurs of faces, hysteria sour in her throat.

She threw herself into the tiny room which was her quarters and jammed herself into the gap between the foot of her bunk and the wall, with her arms wrapped tight around her knees. She was sobbing for breath and trying not to cry, her whole body shaking.

It felt ungrateful to miss Jakku… but at times she did, fiercely. She missed having a place to live that was hers and hers alone, and she missed the wide-open quiet of the desert, and she missed knowing, always, exactly what she should be doing.

The knock at her door was timid. "Rey?"

Finn. She rewound her memories; finally registered the look of alarmed hurt on his face when she had rejected him so violently. For a moment she let her forehead drop against her knees. "Okay, come in," she called, tiredly.

He entered cautiously, closing the door behind him, but he didn't advance towards her when he saw where she was. "Are you mad at me?" he asked.

She shook her head. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I did that."

"Hey, it's okay." He made to crouch against the wall but stopped himself, clearly thinking better of it. It must be a day when his back was bothering him. "You mind if I sit on the bed?"

"Go ahead." He'd never actually waited to ask before — usually he made himself at home with a cheerful lack of selfconsciousness. Rey shuffled herself so that she could still see him, although she didn't uncurl. "I promise, I'm not mad at you. Or anyone. Everything was just so…" _Loud. Crowded. Overwhelming._ She shrugged. "Don't you get fed up with how this place has people _everywhere_?"

"Not really," Finn said. "I'm used to that. People everywhere. Being in a platoon was being part of a crowd all the time."

Rey watched him sideways, registering the wistfulness that stole over his face. "You miss being a Stormtrooper sometimes, don't you?"

"No!" he insisted, reflexively, and then caught himself. "Well. You won't tell anyone?" His voice dropped guiltily and he waited for her to shake her head. "I guess really, some bits I do. We weren't supposed to be _friends_ , they shuffled units around a lot to prevent that happening, but it didn't always work. And, just, there was always someone _right there_ who had your back, who knew exactly the same things you did. Sometimes… I miss that." He hung his head, awaiting censure.

"I'm the opposite," Rey admitted. "I miss being alone."

Finn looked up guiltily at that. "Do you want me to go away?"

She shrugged awkwardly. "I don't mind. Whatever." A pause. "Not really."

"Okay." He leant his elbows on his knees. "Weird, isn't it? Us. Being here."

"Yup."

Companionable silence. Rey found a slightly more comfortable position on the floor, and an imperfection in the wall that she began mapping with her fingers.

It was definitely the longest time Rey had ever seen Finn sit still and be quiet, but eventually he began fidgeting. "Hey, you remember Snap got his new game finally delivered?"

Rey raised her eyebrows at him.

Finn grinned. "You're invited, of course, but I was wondering — do you want to stay here and have the night off from company?"

Rey smiled slowly. "That sounds wonderful. Exactly what I want."

"That's what I figured." Finn hauled himself to his feet. "We're good, yeah?"

"Always." It was no effort to bring the smile back. "Thanks for talking. And for… not talking."

He mock-saluted. And made a point of backing out of the room without another word spoken, closing the door with pointed carefulness. Rey huffed a quiet laugh to herself, still hugging her knees.

It wasn't silent. There was always a distant rumble of noise from the rest of the base, but it was background noise, like the wind in the desert.

Rey closed her eyes, and she was nearly home.


End file.
